INVITATIONS, PROGRAMS, GUEST LIST & THANK YOU'S

Today wedding etiquette consists of good manners and a blending of traditional customs with contemporary ones.  The following tips show you how to incorporate proper etiquette into every aspect of your wedding, giving you greater confidence in every situation.

 

Announcing Your Engagement

Share your good news with your families as soon as possible - it's only right that they hear it from you.  Create a website, blog on twitter, facebook, wedding websites or announce it formally in your both you and your fiance's hometown papers.  Check out their website links for forms and how to upload your engagement photo.

It is nice to let out-of-town guests know as far as a year in advance of your wedding, especially if they need to take time off from work, make arrangements for school leave, find a pet sitter, or save money for the trip.  A simple "save the date" card, even a holiday card, with your names, the date and city and state of the wedding are all that is needed. Hotel information may also be included.

 

Guest List

Where do you draw the line with the guest list?

The bride’s family, groom’s family and bride and groom generally each develop a “wish list”.  Then the list is narrowed down closer to the attendance you have budgeted for.  Usually the attendance will be between 70 to 75% based on if family and friends live in town or not.  A good rule of thumb to narrow down the list—if you haven’t made contact with the person in the last year, leave them off.

 

Invitations

Order your invitations at least four months in advance to give you plenty of time for printing, addressing and mailing.  There are many different styles of wedding invitations - check out our clients for creative ideas and pricing.  Make sure you shop around for the supplier who is going to give you the style, quality and price you are looking for.  This is the introduction to your wedding and a representation of what your special day will be like.  Are you having an intimate vineyard wedding, a large splashy ballroom event or upscale sit-down dinner?  Your invites should reflect this theme with color, font, paper and wording. 

Addressing Invitations:

Create a master list of names in order to avoid duplication.  Make sure names and titles are spelled correctly and addresses are accurate.  Keep in mind that many women have retained their maiden names or prefer to be addressed by their titles or professional names.  In these cases, put her name above hers on the envelope (see sample B).  Follow the same rule for couple with different last names or unmarried couples living together.

Adult members of a family over 18 years old should always receive seperate invitations.  You may, however, send one invitation to two siblings living together at one address.

Below are some typical examples of addressing styles:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith (married couple)

123 Robins Street

Portland, Oregon 97222

 

Ms. Jane Smith (sample B)

Mr. Joseph Thomas

address, city, state, zip

 

Single Friends and Guests:

If friends are single and you encourage them to bring a guest, you can write “and Guest” on the invitation. If a couple is living together, you can send one invitation with both their names listed alphabetically.

Don't Forget To Include The Wedding Party:

Remember, even though special people are playing a role in your wedding you do need to send invitations to them: parents, grandparents, clergy, attendants and immediate family.  A good idea is to even send an invitation to yourself to track the date guests will receive the invitation.

Ordering Invitations:

Ideally, you should order your invitations three to four months before the wedding to allow enough time for delivery. Some shops offer quick-print service in one day to one week.  Invitations should be sent six to eight weeks before the wedding.

When figuring the number of invitations to order, combine the lists from the bride’s parents, the groom’s parents, the bride, and the groom. When the lists are compiled, any additions, deletions, and corrections can be made by everyone. Be sure you are counting families or couples not individual guests for the number of invitations needed.

Mailing Invitations:

Invitations are usually mailed 6-8 weeks before the wedding.  Do send invites to your wedding officiant, your fiance's immediate family, all members of the wedding party, and a guest list made up of both your friends and his, as well as other relatives and co-workers with whom you want to share your day.  Keep in mind your budget limitations and refrain from letting your guest list get out of control.  Selection may be difficult, but it is best to stick as closely to your list.  If you haven't received an RSVP by two weeks before the wedding, have a family member call and check.  Do not put "Regrets Only" on a formal invitation - it's tacky.  When each invitation is accounted for, let your caterer how many guests to expect.

Wording Invitations:

It's become common to list both your parents and his on the invitation - regardless of who's paying - but divorce and remarriage can make it sound more like a phone book than an invite.  Simpler wording may be better:  "Together with their families, Jane Smith and John Joe request the honor of your presence..."  Or suggest listing one parent and his/her partner on the ceremony invite and the other parent and partner on the reception card

Correct Spelling of Names

Etiquette books cover proper addressing of both inner and outer envelopes. Before addressing your envelopes, make sure you double check on your master list for the CORRECT spelling of names.

Programs - Do you Need One?

Programs are optional, but if you're planning a ceremony that guests may have a hard time following (like a lengthy inter-cultural service or lots of family members), a program will make everyone feel welcome and involved, as well as inform your guests as to "what's the groom's mom's name again?"

What To Include

A program is both a guide and a keepsake.  Personalize with a photo or drawing that suits your venue.  You can include -

• Your names, wedding date, time and ceremony location.
• The elements of the ceremony, such as prayers, readings, and musical pieces.  To encourage participation, list the words to prayers, refrains, and hymns.
• An explanation of cultural traditions.
• The participants, including your officiant, attendants, readers and musicians.
• Thank you's to your guests and to your families.
• A tribute to deceased relatives (ex: "today we honor those no longer with us, especially John Smith, the groom's uncle").

Who Hands Them Out?

Groomsmen or anyone you'd like to honor (and who's not already in the bridal party).  Programs can be handed out to each guest as they are being seated, at the front door, placed in a stack on the guest book table or on each seat.

Should You Make Them Yourself?

Your costs can be as minimal as the price of paper and ink, but if you already have too much on your plate, enlist the help of your maid of honor, bridesmaids or any other close friend or relative.  This is also a nice way for them to participate in your special day and they can be responsible for making sure they not only get to the "church on time", but carried over to the reception as well, making sure everyone receives one.  You can also get very creative with them - making paddle fans, scrolls, ribbon tied booklets - and not have to worry about something happening to the programs before the wedding - belated delivery, wrong spellings or color or crushed items.

Should You Order Professional?

If you are ordering your invitations from a company that also creates programs, they may be more cost-effective than you think.  Anything other than a basic design can look amateurish if you make it yourself and don't really know what you are doing.  Embellishments, multiple colors and graphic lay-out and design may be difficult to pull off.  Home printers may limit the size and thickness of the paper you use and you could end up wasting not only beautiful, expensive paper in the process... but hours of your valuable time.

 

 

Thank You Notes - Rules & Etiquette

Send thank you notes to acknowledge everything from place settings to gifts of time or talent. Remember - a separate, handwritten note must be sent for each wedding present or act of kindness. Start sending thank yous as soon as gifts arrive, even if it is before your wedding (but make sure to use your maiden name). Gifts that you receive on your big day should be followed up with a thank you note no later than one month after you return from your honeymoon (now you can use your new last name). To ease the process, keep track of wedding gifts and thank-you cards on the same list of names and addresses used for your invitations. Personalize the thank-you cards by ordering them with your monogram or with a picture from your big day on the front.

Thank You Notes - Examples

Thank you notes are written and signed by one person but should express the gratitude of both the bride and the groom. (“Mike and I sincerely appreciated…”) Make direct reference to the gift itself. For monetary gifts, indicate how the money will be used; whether to mention the amount given is optional. Here are some suggested wording examples to get you started:

To a close friend or relative:
Dearest Aunt Sandy,
Thank you so much for the generous gift. As you know, John and I have been saving for a new home and your contribution will help greatly. We can’t wait to have you over for a housewarming party very soon! Thanks again for thinking of us and for sharing in our special day.

To a more distant friend, relative or business colleague.
Dear Mr. & Mrs. Lee,
Thank you so much for the lovely vase. It will go beautifully on our kitchen table, and Meghan and I will think of you each time we use it. Thanks again for sharing our joy.

To someone who couldn’t make it to the wedding but still sent a gift:
Dear Denise & Chris,
Thank you both very much for completing our sterling place setting collection. Martin and I look forward to using it at every special dinner we host. We truly missed you both on our special day and look forward to seeing you soon.

To someone who wasn’t invited to the wedding but sent a gift:
Dear Lorie & Mike,
Thank you both so much for the thoughtful gift certificate. Amanda and I look forward to purchasing new appliances for our kitchen with it. Thanks again for thinking of us during this special time in our lives.